Just Keep Going!

Well, I have been loving living alone more than I ever thought I would! I love being able to just lose myself in my career and then come home and get right to me time! I suppose I could plan a little better for myself. Lately, I've been watching a little too much Desperate Housewives but I told myself this morning that I'm not going to watch it tonight and so far I've kept up with that.
I'm really enjoying my ward. They've put me to work really quick! I'm the YSA representative and I am the ward music chair. The members of the choir seem to be excited and receptive to the songs I've chosen and how I'm leading the choir so thats good. Its only been 2 weeks but I've gotten several compliments on my conducting and a few about my teaching of technique. I've been nervous about how they would react to my teaching style because its not your typical "sweet spirit" of an experience you would get in a ward choir but I still don't want to lose that. I want the Spirit to be there and I want to really be able to help the choir grow musically. So, I think about what must happen in the MOTAB to make it so good and I don't feel as bad about my critiquing.
Man, school has kept me really busy lately. I especially feel busy when I'm sick though. I've held on to a nasty nasty cold for a while. I'm starting to recover but my voice is still quite scratchy. I hope that goes away soon as it has proven to be very difficult to teach people how to sing a new song when you can't model it for them. I've been speaking the words and then playing the melody on the piano. Not as effective, but its better than nothing I guess. I'm so nervous and stressed about this upcoming concert. I feel like we just plain don't have enough time! I thought to myself it would be insane to have a K-8 concert in one night but because I don't have enough literature for everyone I'm thinking it would be silly to break it up -aside from the fact that seating could be an issue. Oh jeez! I don't know what to do. I'm planning on asking my principal what his thoughts are on the subject. I almost just want to throw my hands up and say "Nevermind. We don't need to have a Christmas Concert." Especially, when at the last meeting, my principal mentions that I need to try to be culturally aware in my selections. I was thinking, "Huh? What the heck does that mean? If you're asking me to make sure I please everyone, then you're just plain asking me to perform a miracle!" But, my principal can be difficult to read at times. Based on the things I've been hearing, I think he might've been really searching to find out if my concert was going to be anything like the one that happened last year. Everyone felt like it was an epic fail. Except, the students have been letting me know what songs they've sung all excitedly like it was a great experience. At least the younger ones feel that way anyway....
So, I feel pressure. I feel like I can't let the staff and the parents down again because it already had a let-down by the music department last year. However, I'm hoping that if I keep it simple and pleasant than that can begin to build a trust among the music program and everyone again. So, yes. There's some pressure there. The relationship of the music program with everyone is precious, important, and particularly fragile right now!
I've just sent out an email to anyone I could think of in the state of AZ who might be willing to pay a tax credit donation  to our school. I let them know a tiny bit about the situation in Buckeye in hopes that it would appeal to at least one person on that email list to donate their tax credit to our school music program!
So, in spite of my fears about the upcoming concerts along with my trepidation about the proper process to begin a successful District Band, all I can do is just keep going, right? Baby steps. One day at a time, one lesson plan at a time, one fundraiser at a time, and one concert at a time. I can do this, I just got to have faith!

Not Givin' Up

I just wanted to share where I'm at right now. Moving has helped me really take charge. And, I've found that as I take the time to really envision me living "the dream" I eat much better. I've been eating pretty well. I'm no where near eating like a saint but I've made some real improvements. I haven't had any fast food since before school started. I've been eating decent portions -except for on Saturday I went a little nuts on the cupcakes because I was really hungry.

Anyway, I've also been trying to exercise more and I thought there would start to be a difference on the scale that reflects more than a little water weight but there hasn't been. Some days I feel sooo exhausted even though I didn't really do anything to deserve feeling that way. Is this really what getting older has in store for me?

I've been wondering why I never heard back from my lab results from a few months ago. I remembered that my doctor seemed incredibly out of it and ridiculously slow and mildly incompetent so I decided to go ahead and call even though not hearing anything probably meant they came back good. Well, I was right and wrong, maybe. The assistant looked it up for me and found that my thyroid level was a little lower than normal so it shouldn't be too much of an alarm but she said it is definitely something I should follow up on.

I don't know much about thyroids, but if that is having anything to do with my super lame lack of energy I hope I can start doing something about it. Either way, I'm just gonna keep trying not to gain weight since losing weight doesn't seem to be happening.

Off The Wagon

I have to admit that I have not been doing great this past month. I haven't gone running at all and I've been eating like a fat person. I've been struggling to find the motivation to take care of myself. I suppose its from all the stress of trying to figure things out as a student teacher: my role in someone else's classroom, my role as a teacher, and is this really something I want to do for the rest of my life?

I've been thinking about everything that comes with the territory of student teaching. One of those things is that I have to be loud, entertaining, energetic, and a people person at least 99% of the time if I want to be a good teacher. Its hard to live up to that. I've been very comfortable trying to lay low since graduating high school and going to college. Anyway, I have a lot of pressure on me to be someone that I'm not sure that I will ever be, if that makes any sense.

With all of that, I can't help but feel inadequate. And, to top it off, I don't even have a desire to take care of myself. So then its a cycle and I end up feeling like a hypocrite in front of the kids when I talk about working hard towards their goals.

I hate to sound so miserable. I'm not entirely so. I've had some awesome experiences. Its the days when I'm feeling tired or sick that I start to feel that way. I just want to be consistent...at something. But, I can't seem to do that just yet.

Picking Up The Pace

So, I was thinking about it 2 Saturdays ago, while I was jogging on the treadmill in Flagstaff, next to Melissa Bray at the NAU Fieldhouse and I realized that I have to start really picking up my pace. I not only have to jog for a long distance, but I need to do it in a certain amount of time. At ten minute miles, I would finish in two hours and eleven minutes. I suppose that would be okay...but it would be pushing it since the time limit is usually 3 hours.

I have a goal to run 9 minute miles at least. For some of you, that probably seems really slow. But, when you consider that my mile was like 12 somethin' when I started, than you'll see its a quite an improvement. I'm encouraged however, because last week, my mile speed was increased to 10:12. Of course, that was just mile one. This week I am supposed to jog for two miles. We'll see if I can keep up the pace.

I am really thrilled at how much better I am feeling because I'm trying to be more active. I have gotten compliments even, and I don't feel like I've really lost much weight since I've started. I even got mistaken to be one of the high school students while I was on a regionals trip. It made me feel good about myself.

I've been trying to follow the body for life eating plan and portions. I've been doing great at it actually, until today. Mom made chocolate chip oatmeal cookies for someone and I caved. I was so hungry when I got home that I just started to pick in it. I ended up having like four cookies and 2 glasses of milk. I feel icky now.

Before today, I have been trying to stay away from sweets. I tell myself, I can even have more of non-sweet foods if I must to keep me away from the sugar. Its the sugar that keeps me from staying on a healthy wagon. Its my drug or my alcohol. Just a little can throw me off the good side and into a bucket of self pity and disappointment. I just want to be happy and I can't be when I eat a lot of junk food, thats a fact.

And yes, I want to be happy.

Taking Up Running

I am trying to get into running again. It was inspiring to see the positive changes running has had in Bob and Matt Ogden's life and I think it would do me a lot of good to start running too. I have a goal to run a half marathon this summer. That gives me plenty of reason to stay motivated in my running and even in the way I eat.
I'm pretty bad out of shape but last week I ran twice and this week I've run twice. I hope to be able to run later today while I'm in Flagstaff.
I've only been able to run for about a mile. Next week, I hope to be able to run a mile and half.
Wish me luck!

Organics

 I've been trying to by all organic produce and free range, grass fed meats. I've found it to be really expensive, but I'm trying to watch my portions and eat less so this is more incentive to not zip right through my food. I noticed something really interesting about the meat! I've found that it takes a little longer to cook. I thought I was just a weirdo for thinking so, but nope. It takes a little longer to cook. Which I find interesting because, I've noticed that processed foods always cook the fastest. Its just interesting that these animals are less "processed"-like so their flesh takes longer to cook. It makes me wonder, with all the processed foods we thrive on in America, if someone was to cook us, if we'd cook faster than someone in like Africa.

I'm so weird and morbid sometimes. But, it makes you wonder how much damage we're doing to our bodies by doing something so simple and buying the cheaper priced processed foods.

By the way, organic fruits taste amazing! I don't know if its just some reaction to being on a diet, but my favorite part of my day is eating those fruits.

I use Celtic salt and organic pepper corn.I've never been a fan of going all organic because it seems far-fetched that all our produce has gone off the deep-end. But, I'm starting to wonder as I go along....

I saw a little girl yesterday carrying a soda pop around with her. She was maybe about 2 yrs old with chubby cheeks. And, I knew, she was doomed to being overweight like many of her peers are. I saw her at DES. She will probably be eating the cheaper, more processed foods, for the majority of her life.

Our lifestyles have changed, which has a part to do with how much America has become obese. But, our food processing techniques have changed as well.

Last night, Shadow was running around with tons of energy when I came home. And, I got to thinking how Bear was pretty overweight and many dogs become overweight from eating people food. Some people argue, well, they'd be eating this meat if they were in the wild. But, really? Would they be eating that meat? They'd probably be eating meat a little more wild and less "canned." Which, I never thought really mattered, until now. If I started letting Shadow eat left-overs the way we let Bear eat our leftovers, there's not a doubt in my mind that he would become overweight and his life-span would be shortened.

Its just something I've been thinking about lately. Maybe there is something to be said for the "organic" push. I just wish it wasn't so expensive and I wish I could trust everything I saw that said "organic." I've found that things that specify how it was grown or raised to be the most trustworthy.

Building One Habit At A Time

A while back, I told Lisa I was thinking about working out and that the notion was kind of exciting since I haven't really wanted to in a while. She told me about an article that some philosopher wrote that said that if you want to start running than for the first week, wake up early and put on your shoes. Then, take them off and go back to bed. The second week, wake up early, put on your shoes, walk to the front door, then, go back, take off your shoes, and go back to bed. The 3rd week, wake up early, put on your shoes, go out the door.
It sounds a little crazy. Almost radical. But, I've been thinking about it lately. We all keep talking about how being healthy is a lifestyle change and that lifestyles are created by our habits. Habits are formed by goals we follow through with. And habits take a month to begin. Many people have said it takes a month for a habit to form but I believe it takes a month for a habit to begin to form. It takes a year to have acquired a habit or lifestyle change. So, what if I try this whole getting out of bed thing just to lace up only to go back to bed? I will be building one habit at a time, without overwhelming myself with so many outright changes. Think about it. I will start my goal of waking up at a certain time. Lets say, 5:00am. Then, the next week, I will begin the habit of actually heading out of my room, which requires that I get dressed at such an ungorgeous hour. By week 3, waking up early will start to feel not so bad and therefore getting dressed up to work out doesn't seem so bad. After the 4th week, I think I very well have started the habit of waking up early enough that I can easily accomplish a workout, a shower, and even a practice session before I have to head to my classes for the day. So, the idea has merit. I think it has enough merit that in my almost hopeless state I will give it a try. Tomorrow, I will wake up a 5:00am and put on my running shoes. :)